23 April 2011
I'm also trying my hand at poetry:
22 April 2011
In any case, I get home and my pits are smelling more. If I sleep overnight with a guy my pits always smell more. My testosterone is raging. I get another load in me, and it just makes me more crazed. I make plans to meet a guy off the interwebs at a new cruising ground I had never heard of. I am in the boonies. I drive out where the road ends into a bigger road onto a side road along I-5, past the river and into a parking lot by the bike path (who knew the bike path went this far, and what did fags do without nature paths?) His described car is there. I get out of my car and walk towards the path and the bushes, see him, and walk through the thorns.
We pull our dicks out after a bit of small talk about how there are no truckers or oil field workers looking for blowjobs before they go home today. I get on my knees and start sucking his cock. I'm impressed how big it gets. Then he starts sucking my dick, giving me a great blowjob, flips me around and starts eating my ass till he decides to fuck me for a while. Every now and then I turn around to suck his dick off and give him a kiss. Then he tells me to shoot, boy. I shoot a huge load all over my jeans around my ankles, the dirt, and my boots. I scoop up some of the cum, feed it to him and me and we start making out. When he gets close he asks me where I want the cum. Initially I get on my knees facing him but realize I'd rather have it in my ass (duh) so I flip around and he rams his dick in my ass and shoots his load. I make sure to milk every last drop. I taste it on his dick and from my ass. Pants up and back to cars. A bit of small talk, a "by the way, what's your name?" and I'm back in my car. Total time: 15 minute?
I didn't shower for a couple days afterwards. I swear to god my pits smelled like cum.
07 February 2011
s̶t̶a̶r̶ model and only talk about my hot sexual encounters and hot sexy things... but that is just not what I am good at. Le sigh. Back to more stories of depressing encounters. Aren't you excited?
18 January 2011
A new interview is up on the MOC blog, because, yes, in this world, if there is a fraction of you that is not white, you are automatically colored folk. I cut and pasted it below, but please check out the original posting, and the blog in all of it's essential glory here:
Cory Koons, Unscripted
And so performers are asked to reveal their pet's nail technician's names ("Blanco") and favorite flavors of salad dressing ("With Blue Cheese crumbles? No!") and what's it like to have been fucked by so-and-so while eating a calzone in "Calzone Deliver Available Now: Raw and Pipin' Hot!" by XYZ Studios.
I'll pull the trigger if you don't.
But I have realized that rarely are people in gay porn superficial. That may be how they choose to parade themselves on-screen (or conduct themselves perniciously off-screen, as the case sometimes is), but performers, and the gay porn industry built around them, are rarely populated with the breezy, uncomplicated, what-you-see types. I mean, c'mon. A porn star's value as a commodity is based on how their sexual prowess is, if not perceived. And if you don't have to have a certain something to prove that in front of millions of people the world over, than I don't know what it is that makes a gay porn star tick.
But Cory Koons is different. I'm sure there's still a little bit of that in him, too. He says as much in the interview that follows. But Cory also told Playgirl.com as part of a press release junket that he the thing he finds sexiest about another man is the complete comfortability with his body. (Is there anything I need to add here that you won't find in what follows? I doubt it.)
So, without further adieu - and with my apologies to anyone who was hoping I would be a factual resource for future college essays on Cory Koons by listing every last resource on him (including his ethnic makeup), I have two words: Google it.
(Ed note: Credit for each of the images can be found at the end of the interview. This interview has been redacted for clarity's sake.)
MOC: So, first, I want to thank you for being so gracious about coming on to Men of Color Blog.
Cory Koons: The pleasure is mine.
MOC: Let's start in the moment. Where are you with your porn career?
Cory: I am an exclusive model for Treasure Island Media. I have filmed a lot of scenes with them but none have been released on DVD yet. I am not sure what they are waiting for, but hold onto your seats... the scenes are HOT. They are masturbation fantasies for me.
MOC: Why did you agree to an exclusivity contract with them. What did you like about TIM that you feel you wouldn't have found with other studios (aside from the offer of work)?
Cory: I never officially retired from porn; as any porn aficionado knows, there is no such thing as a retired porn model. When I decided I wanted to start doing porn again, I wanted to make the biggest splash I could. Treasure Island Media really is putting out the hottest videos out there right now in my opinion, so naturally they were the company I wanted to work with. I'm a pretty loyal guy. I've never used porn or sex work as a primary source of income. Returning to porn, it was important to me to put out the best product possible, and to try to represent my true sexuality. TIM + Cory Koons is a perfect fit...
MOC: So for those readers who may be unfamiliar with your pre-TIM work, can you fill in some of the holes?
Cory: ...and seriously, why go to other bareback companies to do porn? That to me would be like buying the fake designer bag on Canal St. I started my porn career in 2004. I filmed scenes for Raging Stallion, Titan, Rascal, and Channel One. Raging Stallion asked me to be an exclusive after filming my third scene with them. I've done a bit of Internet work also, but compared to other porn models, I haven't ever been very prolific, and my videography is pretty small.
MOC: Well, [Stanley] Kubrick didn't make a lot of movies either. So do you think having had all this film experience has made you a better partner sexually?
Cory: No. If anything, it has made me more self-conscious because I feel like I have something to prove to my sexual partners. If they think I'm some huge porn star, then they're going to expect some mind-blowing sex, right? Nothing kills a hard-on faster than pressure to perform well. I will say I do know how to make sex look good though.
MOC: So do many of your sexual partners know, say, from recognizing you or do you mostly just out and out tell them? Hey, do you know who I am? I'm Cory Koons.
Cory: Ha! I would never say that, and I would never expect anyone to know who I am. I don't consider myself a porn star. I think that term has become way too commonplace. Flattery gets you nowhere with me. And for some reason, the guys I am attracted to have no interest in porn, and I have been shunned many a time by guys that were into me until they found out "who I really am."
MOC: So do you consider yourself...well-versed in the bedroom?
MOC: So what makes you a good porn "star" in the sense that people want to continue to work with you?
Cory: No one wanted to work with me for years. I know for a fact that I was declared OVER by studio heads who used to adore me. I think TIM was interested in working with me because I am a good fit for their brand. I genuinely love getting fucked, I have always been outspoken and a bit of a rebel, and I have refused to adhere to the very limited normalities of what is considered attractive or saleable by most porn studios. I think what made Raging Stallion and Treasure Island want to sign me is that I have a good working attitude, I am professional, and I'm easy to work with. If people have fun working with you, they will want to hire you again. It's not getting booked for a job that is impressive, it's getting re-booked.
MOC: What sign or signs does a director send that tells you a shoot is going to be problematic? And in what ways?
Cory: There isn't much in the way of conversation that happens before a scene. I don't think a director always knows that a shoot is going to be problematic before the scene starts. And if they do, the last thing they are going to do is tell the models, "This is going to be a difficult shoot." That doesn't really build morale, it sets up an expectation that the shoot is going to be difficult. I don't think any director in their right mind would tell anyone in front of the camera the shoot is going to be difficult. When I worked for other studios that hire "straight" models, I would be told what the straight guy likes or doesn't like. Once I had to shave my beard for a straight guy. Does that count as a difficult scene? What makes a scene difficult is either a natural lighting issue if the scene is shot outside, which may or may not include mosquitoes and flies and other bugs, or a difficult model. Another great thing about TIM is they don't use models that are difficult. If you are difficult, you are OUT. There are way too many hot exhibitionist fags out there for anyone to have a prima donna attitude. Porn models are a dime a dozen, and we are all easily replaceable. The thing that makes a scene most difficult is if the top has trouble achieving or maintaining an erection. But if a model has difficulty in that area, chances are they are not going to be hired again.
MOC: But you've worked with a lot of directors, clearly. What signs tell you that a particularly director has no idea of what he's doing. It's not like there's a porn directing school. (And as a follow-up, have you ever been on a set where a performer walked off the set?)
Cory: If a director is directing the action by looking at what is actually going on instead of looking at it through the monitor, I know he's an idiot. [And] I have never been on a set where a model has walked off.
MOC: What performances of yours are you particularly proud of and why?
Cory: I think the first scenes I did - Stoked, Parts 1 and 2 by Raging Stallion, and Manplay-17 by Titan* - are the best out there so far. There is a certain innocence and eagerness and lack of anticipation or pressure that is only there when you first start out that can't ever be recaptured. And in Manplay-17, I first met Jacob Slader. Our connection was immediate and intense. They literally had to pry us apart. And there we were behind scenes him fucking me raw every chance he could get. There are a few scenes I have shot with TIM that are not out yet, that I am the most proud of. One scene, the director said, "This is the best thing I have ever shot," and I believe him. It was really fucking intense. I still jerk off thinking about it. It will blow your mind. I think the work I've done with Treasure Island is the best work I've done, hands down, in spades beyond anything else. But they don't shoot porn. They document male sexuality, and they only release what was genuinely an intense, connected sexual encounter. (*No results turned up for "Cory Koons" on the Titan Media website, at least not for "Manplay 17.")
MOC: Where were you when you looked in the mirror and said: "Cory, go do some porn?"
Cory: I grew up thinking I was hot. When I started school at UC Berkeley I went from being the hot gay guy to just another Asian guy. I developed really low self-esteem. Another gay Asian guy told me, "Just work out a lot and do a cycle of steroids. If you work your body out hard enough, guys won't care about your slanted eyes." I was 18.
MOC: So was porn a way for you to reclaim your confidence?
Cory: I got a boyfriend who loved me and thought I was the most beautiful thing ever. Unfortunately, we had zero sexual chemistry and he had no interest in having sex with me. We broke up, partially because I started to realize other guys thought I was sexy. I've always been fascinated by porn and sex, life and death, etc. Goth till the end. Part of it was retaliation on my part. I wanted to show him just how much everyone else wanted to fuck me. Another part of it was that I had such a battle with my own feelings of being attractive. Much like women have this unrealistic ideal of being 5'10", 120 lb, perpetuated by the fashion industry and mainstream media, gay men have this unrealistic ideal of this 6' tall, corn-fed guy with an unnaturally muscular body; a jock body that has nothing to do with sports, just gym time and steroids and setting your alarm clock in the middle of the night to take another protein shake. For the most part, the only visibly out, sexy gay guys are porn models. And let's face it, most porn models, historically, are huge beefy white guys. I think it's terrible for young gay guys to grow up wishing they were white if they're of any ethnicity at all. I started porn with the hope I could help other guys that aren't stereotypically attractive and Caucasian feel better about themselves. MOC: Why do you think that is? Why is Racism such an issue in mainstream porn? Even when companies hire black or Latin models, they are rarely promoted they way white ones are.
Cory: It's true. There is a movie where I am the only bottom in the whole movie, the obvious star, and the studio didn't want to put me on the cover because they were worried I wouldn't be able to move enough copies, because I am too "exotic." They finally decided to put me on the cover, obscured and sandwiched between two white guys. Any oppressed demographic is going to create a hierarchy within their group to recreate the oppression they receive. This is what the gay community has done. Buff white guys are the ideal. If you are Latin and have a big dick, you're considered practically as good as a white guy. If you are black and buff and have a huge dick then you can be fetishized as a big-dicked black guy, and if you are Asian you are fucked. You are a feminine submissive ladyboy with a tiny dick. [The] funny thing is, the porn industry won't admit this, even though it is painfully obvious. I was at a panel discussion of porn directors and the issue of race and the ensuing discussion was one of the most appalling things I've ever heard. One director/studio head said that the reason why there weren't more black guys in the industry is because it's so hard to understand them because we don't speak their language. You have to hire a black guy that can understand them, to get black models. Joe Gage became very defensive, and said that he wouldn't use so many white models if there were men of color that wanted to do porn. He said that there were no black or Asian models that wanted to porn, and he's been searching for them for years. He also said, "I'm not racist, I've used a black guy in a video before." One black guy in a video. Wow. And I know for a fact, that he rejected me for a series of videos by Titan. I was booked for the videos. The casting director/studio head told me that he had to run me by Joe Gage because he had final approval, but that he was a great guy and would love me. I was rejected for being too "exotic." For not being representative of everyman. For not being white. What a racist asshole. It was all I could do not to stand up and lay in on him. I regret very few things, and not speaking up at this discussion, of the history of gay porn, is one of those things I regret.
MOC: What makes for a good porn performance?
Cory: Legitimate sexual chemistry, which cannot be faked. A knowledge of how video works, how to cheat out for the camera, how to arch your back as a bottom, push your balls up to get a clear penetration shot, a top being aware of the light and not blocking the light with their body or blocking the action with their arms. I have worked as a fashion stylist and art director and have directed many a model and photo shoot; my extensive experience behind the camera has informed my performances in front of the camera.
MOC: Well, I've jerked off to you in Arabesque more than just about any other gay porn scene so, yeah, I'd say you're a pretty good student. Can you take a couple more questions?
Cory: Of course. Awwwwwwww. Thank you! I don't know if I've actually watched that one. I should check it out!
MOC: So everyone is screaming "Piracy is killing the porn industry!" "File sharing is destroying us!" Is it really that bad in your opinion or is it something else, like studio heads being too lazy to invent new business models?
Cory: LAZY. To me, studios complaining about piracy is the same thing as car companies still making cars that rely on fossil fuels. Laziness and money. Everything as we know it is changing. And the same studios that complain about piracy are also adamantly against bareback movies. We are entering new times, and we need to change with the times. You'd think that gays would be more progressive and willing to change and adapt but no.
MOC: Going back to something I asked you earlier: Has your immediate family every seen your work?
Cory: My sister has. No one else I know of. My sister and I are really close.
MOC: What did she think of what you showed her? What did you show her?
Cory: I didn't show her anything. She found out I've done porn through her gay friends. She thinks I am an attractive guy and says that if she had a rockin' body she'd probably do porn too, and she is proud of the fact that I am adding a bit of diversity to the world.
MOC: She and I, both.
Cory: And she does have a rockin' body, but you know how girls are... she's not 5'10" and 120 lbs.
MOC: Well, considering all the personal [stuff] you're going through right now, I just wanted to say - again - how much I appreciate you and the time you've given me and my readers. I'd say my tenacity paid off. So thank you.
Cory: Aw, anytime. I love hearing my voice.
MOC: Me, too.
Credit for the following images goes to:
Image #001: Fritz Main
Image #002: Gustavo Monroy
Illustration #003: Miguel Angel Reyes
Image #004: Reed Massengill
Image #005: Sam Devries
Cory Koons's Blog is right here. Or, you could follow Cory on Twitter. OR, if you're really lucky, he might be your friend on the Social Network!
25 November 2010
How u been?
would be fun to hang some time.
You like suckin cock? I don't fuck unless we get married lol. (ass bang BFs only.)
I shoot a coupla loads in a row, if you like cum, NEG, that works hehe....
We connected a long time back; here's a pic to jog your memory
15 November 2010
The media world, from news gathering to network television, is undergoing a seismic shift. From a fractured audience base to technological advances transforming how images and information can be consumed, what worked in a past age no longer applies.
These overall media currents have not left the gay porn world unscathed. Pornography is produced and sold in ways eons removed from the old days of grandpa’s red light districts. Times Square used to be a piece of real estate where porn reigned supreme. Now that iconic neighborhood is the epicenter for Disney (for a provocative take on this transformation read Samuel Delany’s Times Square Red, Times Square Blue).
With market challenges and the changes in production, porn performers can no longer make the same assumptions models in the past made. There used to be time where a porn star was attached to a particular company. Those type of exclusive contracts are still offered, but more and more porn actors are taking the freelance route, working for multiple studios and websites.
Devon Hunter. Photo by Julian Vankim
“Porn studios don’t really do many exclusive arrangements anymore,” said model Devon Hunter (NSFW). “It’s not practical. That model of doing business isn’t particularly common anymore, and most models are free to go from studio to studio. There’s not enough talent to hoard models, and the companies can’t generally pay enough, or offer consistent enough work to be in a position to make the demand.”
“A lot of performers enjoy being exclusive with one company because it (usually) means they get health insurance and benefits, a monthly, guaranteed salary, and a stable work schedule, Zach Sire, editor of Naked Sword (NSFW) offered in an email. “The downside though is once they come off their exclusive contract, there are some studios that are reluctant to work with someone who’s been so closely associated with a competitor. On the other hand, I’ve talked to numerous models who prefer to be free agents as it allows them the chance to sample a variety of men, and a variety of production environments.”
06 September 2010
04 September 2010
29 July 2010
i get off on the idea of my man fucking me to sleep, and holding me. a man who can be a man for me and a family.
travel is nice, been to 50+ countries, but really want a man with big arms
me i am young, playful, sharp, independent, and looking..Shit! I hate looking, dating, and meeting people. Just want to sign on the dotted line, just want that one amazing guy... and want to stick with him! L-ove him. Prefer guys who like to pick up the phone, talk and get the plane to meet, not into chat. I am looking for a man, for the long-term, be a family, move around the world, travel with you. If youre him say so and be aggressive & confident about it. I do not want compliments or encouragement, makes me feel lonely. I like remote places, am not too social. I need a guy who can take charge and support the family. Its about roles, & that works for me.
Ideally we could travel all the time, and revert to homebase. My daughter is 3.
I like long runs in the woods (at night), great dinners in remote restaurants, dive diners, bbq on a fire, cuddlin' on the plane, long drives through wild places, sleeping on the beach, rocking the boat or sitting on a curb next to you.
Looking for a crazy fun, yet very responsible successful guy. I am out of my mind, but have a sharp head on my shoulders. I am reliable and sane, just totally uninterested in a normal life. When I say I will, i am not a minute late.
My daughter and I are a package deal, you get a family! A family is what you are missing. Trust. You'll realize you can trust me. I'll find my passion.
Can be willing, aggressive, successful, playful, stubborn, & hurt.
World is your oyster. You're strong,intense, scary & aggressive,yet kind and endearing. I am all, which makes it harder to love me. You are total man and understand though i am independent, I truly want to depend on you.Settling down in your arms is scary for me but what i want.
You can afford (time&financially) freedom. lots of it.
You get crazy mad in love. You see me on the other side of the room at a party and feel alone with me, you give me that look like that tells me i am about to get it.. hard:) basically you're intense & confident.. a man. -I am.
You get excited about helping me become more successful as I do helping you. We're are a team, you can offer the best, you have everything, but are happy with nothing, like me ;) I too want a partner in life and business.
I want to be really impressed. I'll impress you.
Travel the world with me, love & take care of me and the kid(s), take charge. I can, but need you to. Lets make a home(s) together. I dont care just want to do it with my buddy. Tired of going it alone.
Under the stars or in 7 stars I would like and want to be able to do both with you. I can appreciate good food, and I can appreciate a sharp knife when I slaughter for food. Am that kind of guy. I like to do anything with adventure. I ski (well), scuba dive (advanced), run in the woods(at night), dive off the boat (into deep oceans), i mountain bike, and i love to curl up and cuddle. I want to do it all with you, my buddy.I'll bring the family, energy, playfulness and good times. I am a hard worker, everything i've had was cause i worked for it and people believed in me, I dont come from money. I need someone who can love, protect and provide.I dont want to worry about money, thats your role. Dont worry Ill make lots of it for us too. Be the man for me and the family, and be able to offer an amazing life. I'll do more than my share. Where you leave off, I'll pick up.. I am a very very strong guy. I like alpha male types, I am one too, but would like you to take the helm. I will run from anything that resembles a normal life. I hate shopping & accumulating things. I lived a nice big house, had my two cars, my truck and my kid and a live in nanny... I was so terribly alone and lonely. So i gave it up, and walked away. I'll make a home, but i want to make it with you. Your life better be an amazing one, or you have the means to let me make it an amazing one for us. Need a man who has lived as much of life as I have. Am the type of guy you have to meet to fully understand. My age or older know what you like, and have an amazing life to share. Am not looking for friends, chat buddies, am looking for that one guy.. my guy. Am a farmboy, wild boy at heart. I am lost in cities, social scenes or anything that resembles the masses. Driving my truck through elephants or car&driver are more my style than waiting for a car wash. Want a guy who wants the best for my (our)kids, and can offer it. I want to be that special buddy to a very special guy. You'll be mine. Like I am in my life, you're Very confident in the bed. You're mine, and ill be yours. Dont have a home, just traveling till i find something i like. Age looks etc aren't so important,,,it's about how good you make me want to be, and we make each other feel. You are who you are, not the looks you are born with ;) Yes, me too I get tired, and sometimes look for a place where i can settle down for a bit..with my guy. Most animals dont initially like their mate, am open minded. Something intense, scary and full of love would be good for me;) I need someone who can hold me tight.
All that said, I am very independent. I had a dream once that i was dating a very busy man (columbian drug lord in the dream), who lived a top of a mountain, and who wasn't able to for whatever reason to spend the all the days of the year with me, but we had a deal, when the other called in need, the other came. I think that could work for me too.
________________________________________ __________________________ During, Before and After all the above... I am just a young man looking for love & a partner.
28 July 2010
23 July 2010
It's hard not to think that this creation of Cory is his mind's way of not dealing with things he deems too painful to deal with, so for him to enjoy himself and relax and enjoy things a bit Cory has to come out and woooooEEEEEEooooooooo.
15 July 2010
13 July 2010
First off, I will say I roomed wtih Jessy Karson.
Brad McGuire was in the room next door.
Jerry Stearns had some kind words to share with me after we met, the whole studio has been talking about what happened when we met.
Treasure Island Exclusives are not randomly selected. It was less like porn and more like sex than anything I have ever done with a video camera and lighting before.
And what can I say about the freedom being on vacation affords? What happens when you walk into the Treasure Island Media/Naked Sword party at TRUCK you were supposed to be at, thirty minutes, and this immediately happens:
Sage Daniels is a dream and my biggest regret that weekend is that he only came inside me once. I would happily be in his crotch for very, very long time. And don't we look related?
09 July 2010
So I didn't write anything for a bit.
Now I'm a porn st☆r again.
I should start writing more. Posting pictures. Sexy.
I have sex all the time now, sheesh! It's hot too. SUPER HOT. I should be sharing it with people.
I received a text from my sister the other day that she reads THIS VERY blog, which freaked me out.
The things I post here, sometimes I re-read them, and I myself am shocked by the brutal honesty.
To think, this is only a tiny fraction of my good behavior.
I am so fortunate to have family that loves me no matter what.
But at the same time, I don't want to hear about what anyone's business in the bedroom. I don't talk about my sex life, at least I don't elaborate on it as much as I do here. Then again, I am not forcing anyone to listen or read.
It has become very clear to me what I have been doing for years. I have been trying to whittle down the number, and intensity, of people that depend on me for anything. Cutting my ties, obligations. I received a text just a few minutes ago from a friend, that I should consider myself family now. I started to text back, "Don't be surprised when I don't see you or talk to you for weeks, months, or years at a time now!"
Then I decided not to write back.
12 June 2010
San Francisco, CA – June 11, 2010 –
Versatile manfuck master KURT WOOD and legendary cockhound CORY KOONS have inked exclusive contracts with Paul Morris's Treasure Island Media, the studio announced today.
One-time Playgirl model and porn legend Cory Koons is also set to appear on the T.I.M. websites in the near future. "I've had second thoughts about making porn again," the voracious equal-opportunity bottom admits, "but I want to show the world how I really have sex now. I’m a balls-out rawdog and proud of it!"
Which makes Koons a perfect fit for Treasure Island Media. "Cory takes cock like a true master bottom,” pronounced T.I.M. director Max Sohl. “He's a real guy, an incredibly nice and decent guy who just happens to have one of the most beautiful and fuckable asses in the world. I’m delighted to be able to offer up that hungry fuckhole to all of our topmen.”
When asked how it felt to sign his life away to porn master Morris, Koons grinned broadly. “I would have signed the contract in blood if he’d asked me to. Who wouldn’t?”
Koons makes his Treasure Island Media debut in the 06-16-10 update on TIMFUCK.com.
Wood and Koons join Treasure Island Media's growing international roster of master cocksmen and fuckpigs that includes Brad McGuire, Christian, Dawson, Jessy Karson, Jerry Stearns, Damon Dogg, Jesse O'Toole, Keer, and deaf topman Calvin.
Treasure Island Media (T.I.M.) is the world’s most watched, most-imitated and fastest growing producer of all-male entertainment. Paul Morris, legendary founder and owner of T.I.M., is dedicated to the support of wildly creative free expression. “More a cult than a porn studio”, Treasure Island Media supports innovative, intellectual and artistic work world-wide.
T.I.M. Premier Streaming Websites: timfuck.com | timsuck.com
Other T.I.M. Websites: treasureislandmedia.com | treasureislandvideo.com | paulmorrisphotos.com | treasureislandblog.com | ryansullivansisland.com | paulmorrisforum.com | freegaychatroulette.com
13 April 2010
I had dinner with my ex-boyfriend/best friend/dad tonight. We went to the same place we generally always go... Grand Sichuan, some of the best Chinese in Manhattan, and a few blocks from his apartment. We've been going there for over four years now together, Pony has been going there since he moved to NYC ten years ago... It really is the best. Recently the menus have become leather, bound, and fancy, and the prices have raised. The robotic, super butch bull dyke Chinese waitresses have stayed the same.
The restaurant was full of gays tonight. The last table to be sat was by a hot, buff, dark, short, beardy guy, so Pony and I were on it and paying attention. When his bespectacled dinner date showed up ten minutes later, and on the phone, he was not pleased. Pony and I continued to talk and make up stories for every table in the restaurant. Glasses/phone guy caught my glance twice, directly in the eye. BAM, he's been staring at me. OK. Cool. Outside the restaurant Pony and I discuss Hotbeardyguy and Friendonphonewithglasses. I mention Friendonphonewithglasses checked me out. Pony immediately says, "They recognized you."
"Really?" I wonder.
"Yeah. It happens all the time," from Pone.
"No way. I've never noticed people recognize me as Cory."
"It happens all the time. I know it. I can tell. I see it."
I still don't believe it.
I have a zit.
Do I want to be famous? If so, why is the "real 'me'" more popular than me? Does he want to be famous? Who wants to be famous? Who wants to be famous more?
Be irresponsible. Don't make any money.
What is it that makes you tick?
Like. I could be in jail for doing nothing, really!
I don't think people recognize me. Depending on length of facial hair, length of hair, styling, specifically contact lenses vs. spectacles and baseball cap, I can be many different stories. The tattoos are sort of distinctive. But at the same time, I am always serving up Face. Really though, I think people don't recognize me because I'm not really anything to recognize, but possibly, by a very small group of gay guys, which is more than I ever wanted to be recognized, I think...
You know this is like a rough draft of something else that I'm going to write later, right?
08 April 2010
I am returning to my art roots. He is an artist. We will make art together. I have a dream again.
And of course, it has made me conflicted about my porn career, which seems like it will be taking off again very shortly. Shocking, right, since I tend to be a total uncompromising (in my morals) bad-ass?
I am making love again. I forgot how amazing it is. It's like having sex fucked up on crystal or crack. I guess this is what is conflicting me: My sexuality feels so BRIGHT right now, but it seems like male sexuality is becoming increasingly darker and darker.
I do not equate hot sex with worshiping Satan. I do not think my cum is the seed of Satan. I guess part of it is that I do not believe in, well, um, ANY organized religion, but why can't my cum be the sweet nectar that unicorns like to lap up?
I am aware I have a tattoo of Satan on my arm, but in my world Satan is a very dapper gentleman, perhaps a little fey, and he loves bichon frises.
Here's a pic of me sucking his big fat dick (as if you had to ask). It curves a bit up, is wider than it is deep, if that makes sense, and every time I choke on it, get it down my throat, tears streaming, throat slime everywhere, he makes these adorable noises like he can't even believe people can deep throat his dick like that. And I'm sweating and gagging and gnawing on it with my molars, he kisses me and sucks the spit and precum out of my mouth and spits it back in mine, and it is so sweet and tender
and loving. I think I'm going to paint it.
09 March 2010
25 February 2010
Shoot went well. Apparently, I am like a "breath of fresh air."
We had our first lil' tiff, if you want to call it that, tonight.
My boy started complaining how his millionaire father doesn't give him enough money. I mentioned maybe his dad should have died when he was eight so he could live off the life insurance (until it runs out your sophomore year of college)/(so your mom can buy a new house and promptly move in the boyfriend you hate and the boyfriend's son you hate even more, but the boyfriend's son has a dick, and he wants you to suck it, so you do because you are eleven and hot and horny and it is all you can get. When you are not sucking your dick you are trying to make his head catch on fire or at least implode... layers of skin fall off to reveal mucles and tendons falling off to reveal bones and joints and... SLUGS? THAT IS WHAT WAS UNDERNEATH THERE? SLUGS?) money, until it runs out before it is convenient for it to run out.
I started doing that thing that one should never do. What would my life be like now if my dad had never died. I would be gay, that is for sure... but I'm not sure if I would have pushed my boundaries of gayness as far as I did. I don't think I would have pushed myself so far in any way. It's so weird to understand my father never heard me play my sax (I studied with a jazz saxophonist for about ten years... he wanted me to carry on the legacy of old jazz masters like himself) or bassoon (my bassoon teacher, the studio bassoonist for Disney, told me once of a fifteen year old girl [I was sixteen, and slacking hard] who was performing a bassoon concerto. He told me that I had more musicality in my right pinkie than she had in her entire body and it killed him to know she was getting a concerto and I was fucking my talent away when clearly my future lied in the realm of bassoon, and I should quit sax, quit sports, and devote the rest of my life to this dying art--bassson is considered one of the most difficult instruments to master. They are as expensive as luxury automobiles, have wait lists, and the craftsmanship of something as simple as a double reed could take a lifetime to master), and I really thought that was where my life was headed until I was sixteen and my house burned down at 4am, my father's birthday... just a few hours before I was to catch the train to go to all-state honor choir (I was a 2nd bass, and had scored highest from my school. My voice doesn't really sound good, but my perfect pitch, ability to sight read, transpose keys, etc. but me at a serious advantage). I gave everything that had to do with music up. It was not my thing.
Neither was the ridiculously delicious food I was learning to cook, with the opportunity to learn the business of owning a restaurant from the inside out. It was not my thing.
I don't even want to talk about the fashion thing. The dude that moved me to NYC and I decided it was better for me to quit my fierce restaurant jobs and gigs around time as the hot new piece of ass in NYC nightlife to assist him. That lead to an old, dear, dear friend from Berkeley/restaurant days working at a magazine to get me to intern for that magazine. Six months later I was hired as Fashion Market Editor, with no experience, no college education, no nothing. Just. Something. I was believed in. I don't know. I guess I've had a lot of daddies. A year later, I'm working with people I idolized when I was a kid and they are asking my opinion about their fashion line; I'm fast on my way to becoming HOT SHIT. It was not my thing.
If my dad had been there and forced me not to give up, would I have, every time, for either fear of success or fear of failure?
Would my mom still be in the same fucking hopeless threadbare relationship with the same fucking asshole that I still fucking hate (let's not forget his disgusting hairdresser date-raping son)?
Would my sister's husband have killed himself ("this is because of you, bitch [BANG]")?
Would I have become an HIV+ escort, go-go boy, stripper, and future bareback porn star for the good part of a decade?
I'M AN ARTIST GODDAMNIT!
Everyone has it. It's what you make of it, right?
Just for the record, I think I would have ended up owning a successful chain of old-school pharmacies/ soda counter with treats/variety/gift stores, on the lower end, and on the higher end completely changing the way western medicine looks at prescription drugs and drug companies and their role in our continued/future illnesses, after a stint as a symphony musician/cool cat in a jazz band. At the very least I would have graduated college.
I love you Frankie. I am not completely sure why, but I don't think I need to know yet.
If this doesn't work out I will still love you. I refuse to begin loving anything that I may regret loving/not love in the future. That is not worth it for me. If we stop being active lovers, know I still love you all the same.
Is this what I'm really trying to say?
Love is eternal?
19 February 2010
18 February 2010
16 February 2010
"Being sleazy is having the ability and the willingness to become whatever is necessary to get what you want. Or, conversely, to somehow make whomever you're with into whatever you want — or need. It implies a very basic malleability of selfhood, a flexibility of identity that's less depersonalizing than it is repeatedly repersonalizing. Take what you're given and make it work. This is the exercise of sleaze."
That is the title to a post I was writing in reference to my hairstyle in Manplay-17, but I can't figure out how to embed the video here so fuck it. Hey guys guess what I am having special feelers for someone and right now it's at the point I feel I need to tranquilize myself a little bit just to stand it!!!
That's not really what I'm here to talk about. I have decided to grow some balls and accept things might be discussed in a bad way but in the end I have to stay true to myself, my character and my self-expression.
I want to be a bad-ass in love.
The inclination is already there.
If there is reciprocation by another bad-ass, even better.
I was talking to a friend about doing an anonymous cum-dump type of scene, and I said it was not my cup of tea, but I could imagine doing it if I had a lover that was really into it and got turned on by whoring my hole out indiscriminately... which I immediately said was weird. My friend asked why it was weird to want someone to look out for you. I couldn't come up with a good answer.
10 February 2010
The only times you make a misstep are when you think twice where you are stepping.
I realized something tonight: I have lost the capacity to miss people. Do we actually lose the ability to feel certain emotions or do we cast them aside when it suits us? Selective hearing. This may be redundant but I don't miss missing.
What do you do when your emotions become a highly efficient angerconverter and any emotion that pops up in you end up expressing itself PISSED OFF? What if you get part of your strength from your anger, your beast, your self-proclaimed worst enemy, and the world is going to end and only you can save it but you aren't sure if you have the strength and the advice you seek tells you IT IS NOT ENOUGH and to save the world you must embrace your worst enemy and let it become an even bigger part of you?
If you were Buffy, you'd totally refuse to demonize your heart and soul, bust out of the chains, fight off the old ancient black dudes, and come back to reality thanks to a hot lesbian best friend, only to realize that it is not enough.
Following this new train of Buffy-thought I have a vision of a hot lesbian witch casting a spell that causes all present and future powerbottoms to release their full powers all at once... to an all-powerful metaphallus that won't know what it is hitting.