13 April 2010

Baseball Caps, Large Sunglasses, Wigs, Eyeglasses with Nose and Moustache

I had dinner with my ex-boyfriend/best friend/dad tonight.  We went to the same place we generally always go...  Grand Sichuan, some of the best Chinese in Manhattan, and a few blocks from his apartment.  We've been going there for over four years now together, Pony has been going there since he moved to NYC ten years ago...  It really is the best.  Recently the menus have become leather, bound, and fancy, and the prices have raised.  The robotic, super butch bull dyke Chinese waitresses have stayed the same. 

The restaurant was full of gays tonight.  The last table to be sat was by a hot, buff, dark, short, beardy guy, so Pony and I were on it and paying attention.  When his bespectacled dinner date showed up ten minutes later, and on the phone, he was not pleased.  Pony and I continued to talk and make up stories for every table in the restaurant.  Glasses/phone guy caught my glance twice, directly in the eye.  BAM, he's been staring at me.  OK.  Cool.  Outside the restaurant Pony and I discuss Hotbeardyguy and Friendonphonewithglasses.  I mention Friendonphonewithglasses checked me out.  Pony immediately says, "They recognized you."

"Really?" I wonder.

"Yeah.  It happens all the time," from Pone.

"No way.  I've never noticed people recognize me as Cory."

"It happens all the time.  I know it.  I can tell.  I see it."

I still don't believe it. 

I have a zit.

Do I want to be famous?  If so, why is the "real 'me'" more popular than me?  Does he want to be famous?  Who wants to be famous?  Who wants to be famous more?

Be irresponsible.  Don't make any money.

What is it that makes you tick?

Like.  I could be in jail for doing nothing, really!

I don't think people recognize me.  Depending on length of facial hair, length of hair, styling, specifically contact lenses vs. spectacles and baseball cap, I can be many different stories.  The tattoos are sort of distinctive.  But at the same time, I am always serving up Face.  Really though, I think people don't recognize me because I'm not really anything to recognize, but possibly, by a very small group of gay guys, which is more than I ever wanted to be recognized, I think...

You know this is like a rough draft of something else that I'm going to write later, right? 


08 April 2010

I am an Addict

Maybe you have guessed I am head over heels in love currently.  My mind is literally exploding with lightning bolt idea after idea.  My lover has left town for work for a few weeks, so I will hopefully be able to execute them all in this time.

I  am returning to my art roots.  He is an artist.  We will make art together.  I have a dream again. 

And of course, it has made me conflicted about my porn career, which seems like it will be taking off again very shortly.  Shocking, right, since I tend to be a total uncompromising (in my morals) bad-ass?

I am making love again.  I forgot how amazing it is.  It's like having sex fucked up on crystal or crack.  I guess this is what is conflicting me:  My sexuality feels so BRIGHT right now, but it seems like male sexuality is becoming increasingly darker and darker.

 I do not equate hot sex with worshiping Satan.  I do not think my cum is the seed of Satan.  I guess part of it is that I do not believe in, well, um, ANY organized religion, but why can't my cum be the sweet nectar that unicorns like to lap up? 

I am aware I have a tattoo of Satan on my arm, but in my world Satan is a very dapper gentleman, perhaps a little fey, and he loves bichon frises. 

Here's a pic of me sucking his big fat dick (as if you had to ask).  It curves a bit up, is wider than it is deep, if that makes sense, and every time I choke on it, get it down my throat, tears streaming, throat slime everywhere, he makes these adorable noises like he can't even believe people can deep throat his dick like that.  And I'm sweating and gagging and gnawing on it with my molars, he kisses me and sucks the spit and precum out of my mouth and spits it back in mine, and it is so sweet and tender
and loving.  I think I'm going to paint it.