I'm going a little crazy here. I forgot to pay my cell phone bill and haven't been able to get my shit together to leave the house till last night. I deposited all my cash in the ATM but it has not posted yet. The past couple weeks have had me freaking out on all my friends for no particular reason except to back the fuck off. I have no money, no phone, just me and my split personalities and my roommate's cats as she is still on her trip to Antarctica.
This solitude is something I created, something I have been working on for quite some time now--to alienate those around me that care. I don't really like it now that I have it. I am losing sight of who the real ME is, as I have been so adamant about turning Cory into something more than a porn star. I'm not sure how much of Cory is me, and how much of me is Cory, which came first, chicken/egg etc. I guess I kinda like it.
Dudes, and of course I want as many people to read this site as possible (or do I?) but if you are coming here only to hear about my sexual adventures and see some cock and ass you are coming to the wrong place. There are plenty of porn star blogs that do that much better than I would ever want to.]]
Feeling a little haggard, worn out, and I'm not sure why. Have I mentioned that since Sunday, I have left my apartment exactly once. It's kinda creepy. I'm kinda creepy. More skeevy thank creepy I guess.
I am paler than I have ever been. Seriously. I get pale and shit. Photographed next to white people, I look ghost white, while the whities are at least a color, even if it is pink. Do you have SAD? I am going to a tanning bed tomorrow, fuck it!
Wow. I feel so boring. You guys know I do not advocate the misuse of prescription drugs, right? I would be on the phone with my psychiatrist trying to get her to switch me to klonopin or xanax but she is reluctant. I have to explain to her that I am experiencing a "kick-back" when I take ativan--it keeps me up for a bit before it drags me down (not nearly enough).
Tomorrow is going to be a brighter and tanner day.
PS Natural disasters suck.
PPS Here are some photos of me I just found from about four years ago, just to give you something to look at. See? I care about you.
notice the toe in the corner