22 July 2005

Hiatus

As some of you may have noticed, I haven't been writing here very often lately. My trip to SF took a bit of a toll on me and I have wanted to shun the sex industry ever since. However, since I'm actually starting to get somewhere with it and I've come this far, I guess I should stick with it.

Basically, the movie we shot was starring me as the only bottom in the movie, but getting back to the plot, the only bottom in the ID Lube Warehouse. I get plowed by everyone, basically. It was pretty nasty. Kinda hardcore. Mildly humiliating. It was supposed to emulate straight gang bang movies where the guys just use the girl and you can kinda tell the girl is freaking out and not enjoying herself, really being used. Not stuff to write home to mother about. I choked on lots of cock, almost hurled probably 20 times, and that was only the first day. Whatever gag reflex I had has been knocked out of the way, literally. It was kinda hot, but after four days of it, it was starting to wear. I had bruises on my knees, my shins, my ankles, a slap mark on my ass, etc.

My self-esteem was shot down quite a bit during the whole movie. Before I threw a diva temper tantrum when I found out I was being forced to cut my hair (I understand it was better for the character to look more conventional now) for the movie but after I found out I had to share a room, the director of the movie didn't even recognize me, and throughout the shoot, he said things to the other stars like "This is gonna get you nominated for a Grabby! Amazing!" meanwhile I guess I was just chopped liver. I also learned that people were fighting for me to be on the cover, as apparently the movie is already a fetish-type movie and my presence on the cover would do nothing but keep it sitting on the shelves. A blow to the ol' ego, in other words.

After doing this shit for over a year, constantly getting good press and rave reviews, deciding to work with more open-minded less commercial studios, I am still too "edgy" or "ethnic" or whatever they want to call it now.

I was starting to feel emotionally damaged. Me? Damaged? Issues with Sex? Weird. It's now been, oh geez, over two weeks, and I've had pretty regular sex, and the only time I wasn't paid for it in some way, I couldn't get hard and couldn't go on with it. Weird, right? I think I'm getting better though.

I have my FUCK YOU attitude back (and more on that in about five minutes). I forgot that I'm better than this shit, and that I shouldn't be upset with the rules when I've always known they were shit and I've never wanted to play by them. So I'm not. Nothing's changed, I haven't changed, and I'm not changing anything, IT'S JUST PORN.

4 comments:

D. J. said...

Cory: I've been checking in on your site since seeing you in NYC at Will Clark's Hudson Cruise party. I missed checking in to read your adventures for about a week, and just came online to check in in the midst the midst of a sweltering hot new England night.

Shit,Cory; reading this entry pissed me off on your behalf. I'd say you got Royally Fucked in more ways than one at that S.F. gangbang shoot!

An experience like the one you had would have put a less-experienced performer out of the business for good. You're THE centerpiece Bottom of the scene and the director can't be bothered to remember your name?... Or direct any positive comments your way during the scene? If you'd had picked up your (lovely) ass and booked out of there, who would the Tops have had to fuck to make it a gangbang? "Thin air" does not make a good bottom.......

Sorry to hear that they screwed around with your head in S.F., and glad that you're rebounding.

Knowing how this went down, from your point of view, does not make me eager to rush and purchase this product when it comes out. I'll be keeping an eye out for projects where you get a better deal and that will showcase you better.

Peace & Pleasure!

D. J.

pjwalsh25 said...

hey sexy
what studio is this for and any name

or do you not want us to waste our coins

pat - fan in dallas

Anonymous said...

I don't know if you're aware that there's a gallery of photos from this video on Banana Guide promoting the Raging Stallion "Rear Stable" subscription website.
http://bananaguide.com/gallery/1262

I watched the trailer, and it did look like they gave you a major workout. Don't know why they treated you that way, since you were the "star" of the production -- if there was one. Find out more about what's expected or required in advance in the future.

Joseph said...

Hey, not sure if you will get this comment so long after your post. Just a quick note to say that this is THE hottest porn of all time because of you.

I had always fantasized about dom/sub scenes but your work focused my dominant thoughts in a way i can't quite describe.

Anyway, just thanks for helping me to bring my fantasies into the 3D world.

That said, I am really sorry it was such a bad experience for you.