Going Postal

I DJd last night, got home around 3, was half-heartedly looking for action, but I knew where my heart lay: the new Harry Potter. You see, I get mildly obsessed with books when I'm reading them. It never takes me weeks to finish them. Instead, I go nuts, think I'm one of the characters (Harry and I do have a lot in common) and prioritize the book above and beyond everything else. So, at 3am last night, I quickly finished up the last 150 or so pages. I woke up with a hangover too, which was a little annoying, but more on that later.

There was a doorbell ring around 1130. In my slumber, knowing I was the only one home and that it could be my girlfriend that is staying with me right now, I threw some shorts on and went to the door. Dogs all barking crazy and shit. Not too happy about it. No one is there. I don't want to say anything too racially offensive, but I think we're all familiar with the term used to describe, um, ringing someone's doorbell without having any intention of being in front of the door when they open it. I came outside, called out "Hello" a couple times, was pissed, went back to bed.

I'd say, oh, enough time later for me to close my eyes and start to drift off to sleep, the doorbell rings again. By now, I'm pissed. I grab the same shorts, buckle the belt (remember this for later), and go to the door. It's the mail lady. With a parcel. For the next house over. I start muttering something bitchy about how when you ring someone's doorbell you wait for them to answer and probably said some real cunty things. I'm not really a morning person, and fuck, I was up late reading Harry Potter. Doesn't she know that. She walks away, I slam the door, and then I hear her exclaim "ASSHOLE" from the window. I get offended by this, which is funny because I was being an asshole, come back outside, and start going off, like did you call me an asshole did I hear you right I'm sorry last time I checked an asshole was someone who [knocks and runs] and then she turns to me, looks down, and says, "Your dick is hanging out of your pants. Why don't you put it back in? That's nasty. ASSHOLE!"