03 February 2010

So Many Things

I wish I could say here... But I can't. I do not know what is stopping me. Nothing can be worse than what is already assumed about me. So what stops me? Pride? Fear that I will have a worse reputation, that any guy I go on a date with will read the blog and be immediately terrified? People already think I'm shady, but if I didn't hold anything back, well, everyone would think I am shady.

It's amazing how many guys are so freaked out by me before they even meet me. Lately I seem to be torturing myself be being attracted to lil' scruffy tattooed boys in their twenties that live in Brooklyn--a close approximation to myself--yet they are all really cautious and weary of my charms. I do not feel like I am part of my generation. There is certain conformist mentality I see rising up in the young gays, a strive towards hetero-normative ideas and morals, and I do not like it.

I don't think I'm a monster, nor do I think I'm shadier than most. I am just honest about my shadiness and I own it, and that is my problem. It becomes increasingly more difficult to stay honest when I know everyone is lying around me.

Why am I being such a bummer today? I'm actually in a good mood.

Since you guys seem to like porn clips of me... I will look for more out there. They are all really old... I like it that some of you read this without knowing any of my video work. It's cute. OK BYE


Nick Collins said...

Dude, there's no real wow factor in knowing everything about someone, otherwise it all becomes pretty damn mundane...

Mr. Koons said...

Dude, do you think it would be possible for any of you to know everything there is to know about me? Don't you think that if I have hesitations in being honest, it's less about me, and more about a topic I would like to discuss?

Trust me. There is nothing I would say that is mundane, and nothing I reveal about myself will ever cause me to become pretty damn mundane.

When the fuck does anyone know everything about someone, anyway? I never have. Nor do I think there is a wow factor in not knowing everything about someone.

Sorry Nick but your comment just seems to feel like it lacks connection... to humanity.

Your postings are always a welcome sight here! -CK

Steven said...

I like your blog and I think you are amazingly handsome and funny and shockingly revealing. And yeah - I get why 20somethings are nervous around you because you know what you want.

Watching you have sex with a plushie bear and laughing was fucking adorable.

I'm an artist in Seattle and I'd love to take your photo sometime - either here or in New York. smiller555.com - what do you think?