13 July 2008

This Goes to Show You How the Energy You Throw Off Comes Back to You.

I am riding my bike from Union Square to the Bar, to dance. I am late. I cross 6th Ave crosswalk. A motherfucker takes two running steps and kicks my bike as hard he can. I cut him off or give me any reason to do this. I stop my bike. "what the fuck was that?" no response. "fucking asshole!"
"fucking faggot."

"what did you say?"
"FUCKING FAGGOT!!!"

He is already walking away by this point. I put my kickstand up. Leave my bike in the street. Start walking after him. Rip my fucking sunglasses and earphones out. "Say it to my face!" he continues to hustle to the nearest store, a fucking Sprint PCS. I follow him in there as he walks deeper in the store. I call him a fucking pussy a couple times really loudly, then walk away, get on my bike, and get ready to don a plastic'grass skirt, and a floaty ring in the shape of Tony the Tiger.

Afterwards, I am leaving with a friend, and two dudes walk past us, one of them makes an under-his-breath type of condescending comment that sounds nice but you know it means the opposite, you stupid fucking faggot, so when I chirp up "WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU SAY? COULD YOU PLEASE REPEAT THAT? SPEAK INTO THE MICROPHONE." He doesn't like it very much and can just say
"I didn't say nothing mean, I just said that you can go on continue doing whatever you want to do, I didn't say shit."

with all the sarcastic, deluded, grandeur he can conjure up.
"BULLSHIT. BULL-FUCKING SHIT" This is when my friend steps in, as he can see that they are probably in a gang, three of his friends are half a block away wondering if they should pull him away or wait for the signal to join in and beat us faggots down. They talk heatedly for a while, I stop listening. Key terms I hear are, "This is my turf," "your friend needs to step down (I was unchanged in my position, smiling bemusedly, I would rather have had my teeth knocked out and my face drug across the pavement than back down at that moment)," "...Just because you're light-skinned," "I know. My friend, he's talking stupid, and he's not going to say nothing no more (friend is looking at me, like keep your fucking mouth shut stupid ass)."

We managed to get out of that one unscathed, but seriously, fucking hell, why should two faggots think that being fucking heckled by some ignorant assholes (whose fucking turf you happen to be on, um, we're one block away from a gay bar and fancy car delearships assholes I think that makes it just as much our turf, um, joking, but anyway) whilst walking away from a leather bar think that's OK, and not speak up, even if it means getting our asses kicked?

I guess that really doesn't change anything.

Needless to say, I got so freaked out I had to immediately change plans, and hop on my bike, and ride the entire way back to the bowels of fucking Brooklyn. Finally. The best part is that I was frying my nuts off and was quite drunk and stoned also. It took me maybe forty-five minutes to ride the six+ miles. How's that for endorphins? Work it out.

MORALITY REPORT: Please, everyone out there, do not ride your bike, your car, your motorcycle, whatever, when you are wasted. It is super dangerous and really dumb. And really, I'm a huge believer in doing whatever the fuck you want as long as you are not putting other people in harm's way, and that is it exactly what you do when doing stupid shit like that. Riding across the bridge all whacked out and shit was pretty awesome though.

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

Good for you, man! But don't want to see you get your sexy-ass self hurt, either. Be careful out there. I'm new to your blog - but gotta tell you - it's one of the most entertaining out there. You've always been one of my favorite pornies - (also especially like(d) Drew Peters and Jackson Price... God bless their little Bbacking asses... I met you briefly in Palm Springs at one of Will's Bad Boys Pool Parties or something... Anyway, luv hearing about your adventures-- sexual and otherwise.
Love ya.
Jeff D.

Mr. Koons said...

did we fuck?

Anonymous said...

lol - not yet!
Jeff D.

mstrbtngrotcrow said...

oh my@ DID WE FUCK? lol

mstrbtngrotcrow said...

good to see you making post more often. its good not to back down but im also glad i dont run into that kind of situation alot...not since highschool atleast...i had to beat a lot of ass in highschool

Mr. Koons said...

If I wanted to deal with shit like that I would have stayed in Bakersfield fucking California. I refuse to back down to bullshit like that.

And why would someone want to start shit with anyway? Don't they see the crazy 88 look in my samurai eyes? Or the fact I'm a witch? Their shit, and their descendants, will be fucked if they are not careful.

mstrbtngrotcrow said...

i concur, your eyes are mighty samurai-esque...do they have lasers also?

Anonymous said...

alright butch queer's, y'all better chill because I'd have no problem cap'n you ok, not one, dude you said you were an entertainer so you're a comic right, cuz you got no body, i mean your ab's look like they belong otn the Michalein man, or the pillsbry dough boy, anyway next time somebody kicks your bike if I were you, I'd ummm, really think about acting like a butch bitch you might get bitched slapped into the here after ;-)

Anonymous said...

oh so you look at theae your self thats good because it is a message from me to you, you ain't that tough, and I'd like to knock your head off, I really would like to beat your fucking ass, but that would not do it, and unless i'm sure i could get away with it, I'd better leave it alone because what I'd really like to do, would get me life or death, nd your stupid ass ain't worth it.

w said...

Cory, you kick ass!!!!
And this is to the ass who commented on Cory's body. Fuck you!!!!!! You're the one reading his blog and looking at his pictures! Not the other way around. You have the hots for him just like the rest of us!
Give it up, dude.
Mmmm, it must be those eyes and that hot hot hot ass.
w

Anonymous said...

Cory, Why didn't you ask him if he watches you and comes to your blog for pleasure? You have a crush.