I've discovered in the past five days. . .

. . .that living with an ex is like if you're a Siamese twin and your other half dies and then you have to carry around their dead weight with you until either you die yourself or you can find a good enough surgeon to sever the ties hoping that you don't have any arteries or organs to share but really you just have to go into a cave in the side of a mountain and like a feral cat do the job yourself with your teeth and a sharp rock.